It's official. Every guy I've slept with has been to jail.
he kind of looks like leonardo dicaprio...in whats eating gilbert grape
wtf, did you fuck a retard?!
If the first sentence isn't something about weed or the nature of choclate I'm skipping class.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
We had an indepth conversation about his employment at Arbys..
I am planning my day around naps and lesbians.
Come over, I want to eat cookie dough off your dick.
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
That makes the second boyfriend of hers that I've fucked. I'm gonna start keeping an eye on every guy she even speaks to. Girl is my sexual rabbit's foot.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
I need to stop adding people I want to bone on LinkedIn.
..... starting now
I woke up only wearing a Breaking Bad "Los Pollos Hermanos" apron he got from Loot Crate next to a 3 empty bottles of Zima,Jolly Ranchers, and a jar of coconut oil. Fernet is one hell of a party starter
I had to explain to an ER nurse that I burned my dick playing onion ring toss today, your social awkwardness hardly compares.
We hotboxed his bathroom. going to be a good night
Hotbox went wrong - smoke sets off fire alarm. Firefighters coming
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