Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
yea and when she crawled to her room she yelled at a bookbag to "get the fuck out my way"
He spent the whole night convincing me I wasn't fat, but after we had sex he said "Oh, I see what you mean"
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
i just got on a party bus. i think i left my belly button at the bar.
I played "in the air tonight" on a drum set made of titties, and I'm not even exaggerating
There is not enough whiskey in the world to get me through what happened on Pretty Little Liars tonight.
First world problems.
He said that he had extra crunchy taquitos and wanted to go down on me.. I mean how could I say no?
He left a fire sauce packet from taco bell that said "promise you'll text me in the morning" on my nightstand.
I hate csi yet I find myself watching a full marathon. I am also eating hotdog buns stuffed with barbecue chips and they are quite tasty
Granted every 20 shifts of working there you seem to be on par to receive some sort of racy satisfying sexual encounter which money can’t buy
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
I just hooked up with the German exchange student who doesn't speak English. And you said I have no talent.
I always know im high when I can't remember how to pee.
Randomize
