All I know is that if italians start TIME TRAVELLING were all in a lot of trouble paizon
Eric just called. Says he's trapped in a cul de sac because the road disappeared. Wants me to tell him what street has the bushes that whisper sweet nothings into you ear and the wobbling purple pokemon. Oh, and a "bigger and better" penis is growing out of his belly button. He took shrooms by the way.
I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
I'm customer of the month for a 3rd time now at the Wine store. I've achieved so much in my life
you sat up and said "i'm the worst kind of roommate, the drunk kind"
Definitely need to find a less healthy bootycalls. All this bitch got in her fridge is feta, English muffins and wheat grass. What the fuck can I make with that???
Found 2 Coors, problem solved.
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I feel like I shouldn't have to explain to you why giving your cat weed was a bad idea.
That's how I like my men: traumatized and crying in a ball
No he's here. We were watching Harry Potter stoned as shit and he fell asleep with his head in my lap. I'll figure out what to do with him after Harry gives Dobby the sock.
You can't just leave with hair like that
So my roommate just came out of the shower with a dude...guess that answers all questions as to whether or not he's gay
I need you there. I need someone to glance at when other people inevitably annoy me.
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
Randomize
