My face smells like last night's lay. I need a whore bath. Or a corndog.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
I just saw fred flintstone in my fruity pebbles!
what drugs are you on?
none, cept for the pain medication i got prescribed by the doc: it said 2 pills every 3 hours, but I took 6 cuz i'll be away from home later
It's because you were crossfaded. And because drinks were 3 dollars. And because they accepted credit cards.
Ya he's the booze devil, like if the black hole and Bermuda triangle joined forces with Captain Morgan
I'm not entirely sure what happened last night, but I think I dislocated my kneecap during an epic Mario Kart battle...
I threw up in a Buffalo Wild Wings and then got a high-five. I really don't understand America
I just fully woke up, never smoking that much weed again. I had stress dreams about your house being surrounded by a lake and we kept losing our cars in it.
When a best friend shows up on a tricycle with a case a beer and goes "get on loser" you get on, because there is a magical adventure afoot
you said I shouldn't try to fill the void in my meaningless life with dicks but i am trying and it totally works
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm supposed to be at work in 10 min, I just woke up and am 45 min away...tinder for the win
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
I may have passed out and puked all over the host's favorite couch, but three hours and a rip later, I was eating tiramisu in the bathtub with the birthday boy and a hot Italian.
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