I had a dream last night that I was the one that killed Biggie
i got kicked out of Barns and Nobles cuz i put all the bibles in the fiction section
you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
I just got a bj @ my old preschool...my childhood memories r all ruined
Now for something completely different: ive figured out how to eat a banana without insinuating something completely naughty
I just headbutted my cat because he was trying to eat my bacon.
I'm at a winery and there's a 50 yr old woman sitting at a table alone with a bottle of wine and the only time I've seen her get up is to harass the hot dog guy
If you're staying here tonight, you need to promise me you won't make another bonfire in the lounge room. My girl is still pissed about that.
We held a candle light vigil outside the jail hoping for her release, until we realized we were drunk in the jail parking lot.
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I want to bone him until his eyes fall out
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
I ate 1200 calories worth of chocolate covered marshmallows and googled why it is okay to be single forever
All boys are excommunicated from my vagina until further notice.
It was all like "my feathers evolved from scales of a reptile bitches!!" and I was all like "damn this chocolate milk is AWW SOOME!"
Randomize
