I'm so hungover even the car commercials make me nauseas
its amazing how hard it is to tell vomit from stuffing the day after
We shouldn"t be alone together
you didn"t say that yesterday
you weren't married yesterday
This is a drunk text message. I am so glad that we are friends. Tomorrow we will eat sandwiches in miniature. We both love dogs. Flower.
I'm thinking about that time I was in a trashbag and you spray painted my hair yellow
Damn it, I know in the morning I'm going to regret eating out of the trash...
I'll have to explain it to you tonight when i call drunk. It will sound better
Got a blowie from her in the cab on the way home. Made awkward eye contact with the cabbie who said, and I quote "Keep the mess in her mouth bro", I did so only out of respect
on the subway to an interview & there's a dude doing whippits out of a cheese wil can
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
He yelled "HOO-ah!" like Al Pacino when he pulled down his pants. Trust me, he has every right to.
I distinctly remember telling him "I'll suck your dick while you eat pizza"
Apparently I have decided there are no repercussions for my actions
I just my had my first cup of coffee in a week. I think I might orgasm.
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Randomize
