I have a hot bod, but my face sucks, what can i do?
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So she said she wears a diaper when she's on her period and I'm not going to lie, I kind of want to see the diaper.
If your 8 lb baby was ham it would serve 6-8 people
He came on my chin and called me cumbledore. i give up.
Just blew a perc off the traytable on my flight, spring break has begun!!
Now all we have to do is pretend we haven't seen each other naked. Work tomorrow is going to be FUN.
Another day, another engagement, another cat
Which I'm also surprisingly fine with. If he walked into the bedroom naked, holding a fish in one hand and a lit candle in the other and said "Let's get fucking weird." I'd probably go with it. He's just that hot.
She has this wild look other eyes like she wouldn't be afraid to commit a felony.
i just realized... if i ever hook up with someone on my bed, we'll be fucking atop my animated batman themed bedset.
She's hot and all. It's just I don't want to become Eskimo brothers with my sister
Disregard everything I texted you last night. Oh, and disregard me hooking up with your boyfriend.
Things could not have gone more poorly if I had stripped naked and run through the Sahara with sirloins tied to my vagina.
Randomize
