put your butt on the phone this is a booty call
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
my boss made my mugshot into an 'employee of the month' poster.
The "puke-towel" started to grow something...
He decided not to draw dicks on my face when I passed out because he was afraid I'd retaliate and superglue his dick to his stomach....he knows me too well.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
I had sex on a dinosaur comforter, tell me that does not define my life.
i snuck out to taco bell in my hospital gown earlier
A dick pic is not a proper way to say I'm sorry
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
Why can't he see that I don't want a slow getting to know you period? I just want to bone. NOW.
All I heard was "sit on my face" "okay" and muffled screaming. I'm still disappointed.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
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