Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
He left a cum stain in the shape of a heart on my sheets.
He's like the Bob Ross of love stains.
who's fault is it that she tells me today she is only 16 because i definately met her at the bar...
doing washington apple shots with my mom. sunday afternoons suddenly got so much better.
we've had sex 4 times and he still refers to me as 'the chick in my chem class'
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
We still need to grow old, buy a house, and drink 40's while wearing old people sunglasses, staring at the young studs mowing our lawn.
Did you just say he wants to put a baby inside me?
just walked into the study room and found an empty bottle of vodka and a passed out freshman. Did you have anything to do with this?
Well, it's a fine line between people-watching and boob-staring. It's a gray area. But we're in Paris. Let's leave it at that.
The inside of my nose has felt like the guy's face falling off from raiders of the lost ark all week
I woke up this morning with 3 phone numbers, a red Chinese New Year envelope with cash in it, and a winning scratcher all stuffed in my bra. I'd say it was a pretty successful Thursday night.
She has also never texted me first which I think might be a tell-tale sign she wants me to die alone.
Sorry for peeing on you and your bed last night.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
Randomize
