I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
My mom is such a hoarder. I found a deer candelabrum last night, it had antlers has candle holders. It was like a redneck menorah.
ah. the first shower back home is like a baptism from the sins of the past year
I just spewed blue gatorade in the shower. It looked like the ocean.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Well I'm 2 for 2 with the absinthe, I just woke up in some random car behind the bar
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I mean you can't really blame him. He's named after whiskey and I don't get along with pants.
He used one of his curtains as a leash and hand restraints. He wins the creative sex challenge hands down.
Bud... Did you mean to tweet a picture of your dick? If not just letting you know.
If you can't have hot, loud sex in a dorm for the last time ever, what can you do in this world?
I'm fine w planning around your penis prospecting. Saturday it is.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
It's a novelty for anyone to see a girl like me in a skirt like this milking a cow
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
Randomize
