I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
Ketchup is God's man juice
I just ran into the couch, vagina first.
I hope you got dinner out of it
i realized boys travel in groups of 3's and girls travel in 4's..thats why it gets so tricky
like hot dogs and buns.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Close your eyes and stop texting and think about puppies. You'll be fine.
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
My vagina feels like it's been kissed by angels.
After getting rejected by him, I got a strangely pleasant dick pic from an unknown number with the caption: "I hope this gets you through the night ;)" It's like the Cock-Gods were shining down upon me.
He broke into my house because he missed me. Then ends the relationship because I'm the needy one. Ironic much?
Also, you think turning 23 is bad, I just ran into the guy that gave my chlymidia
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
You know shits really hit the fan when you start using public bathroom air freshener spray as perfume
what? where are you?
i solemnly vow to never stick my penis into crazy again
I give it a week.
Why does my mask smell like doritoes?
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