Problem: At home sick with a stomach virus. Solution: smoke weed all day...
dear sober me, don't br the first to open the fridge in the morning
where are you?
sonic
Good. I hungoveredly cleaned your room. This is what being married is going to be like. I pick the condoms up off the floor and you bring home the hot dogs.
after we finished, she said she had been a backup performer for Cirque du Soleil. THAT flexible.
Watching water boil has never been so amazing. I love wake-and-bakes.
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
No, we talked about it. They're cool with me living here as long as I sleep with them both.
You're a rent hooker.
I got us a lift home. Payment may require me giving road head, are you cool just chilling in the back seat pretending to be oblivious to this happening?
And by go well you mean everyone's hammered right?
Yupp. And someone's bleeding
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
I want to fuck the side burns off of Steve.
Dude she smelled like bar-b-que sauce. I can't think of anything better.
You know it's a good night when the word slut is imprinted on your ass and your hands smell like lube.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
only 3 drinks in and he showed me his fursuit, please come pick me up
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