you just kept yelling NO BUENO SENOR at the cashier and throwing coins at him, of course you were going to get kicked out of the grocery store
he kept asking me if i had been in a pool or a lake recently, i didnt want to say i know where the swimmers ear came from. shower sex.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
I'm sorry for the texts and anything that I said that may have caused confusion, pain or irritation. I shall not be drinking again. Furthermore I will not be keeping a phone on me should I fail to adhere to the prior statement.
just got caught singing "pop that pussy" by a very old man at work. *face palm*
I just accidentally deep throated a popsicle in front of my parents
all i remember is slapping you in the face with a slice of pizza while laughing maniacally.
Basically all I do anymore is get stoned with my cats, and then we share goldfish.
It's 90 percent alcohol, and 10 percent a whisper that says "get drunk"
I pour the whiskey from now on
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Normally getting fucked up with the owner and suggesting he motorboat me wouldn’t help my chances of a promotion, but this is 2020 and he definitely enjoyed it
Randomize
