I keep forgetting that I only have two nostrils.
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I know its been a few months but you must know you hve the 2nd biggest dick I've ever seen. 1st place went to a rapper so don't feel bad.
Totally just projectile vomited while ridind a bicycle.
i swear, as soon as they invent a cure for herpes, he's mine.
Have you asked your drug dealer if he wants to see harry potter with you?
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I call it a party but only because that sounds better than 8 people getting drunk around a pool.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
Being drunk at Chick-fil-A is a dystopian experience
Remeber when we went camping and fucked those two guys? Yeah me either but I'm covered in poison oak so I'm guessing it's from that.
I thought I was drunk because I kept grabbing his arm instead of his dick
But then I realized it wasn’t his arm and that I was very lucky
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