TYLER... glimpse of last night: leather chaps, guacamole dip, a jump rope, spray paint, and rhinestone studded pajamas.
i think you have the wrong number... but your story sounds delightful.
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
it wasn't THAT bad but he definitely called his dick an asshole and said sorry to my vagina
Making a drinking game out of jeopardy does not mean you studied..
Your dad needs a mid life crisis affair thing, I could totally be that girl.
Hannah wants to know if she cant borrow your stats notes because she threw up on hers.
I'll wind up on his doorstep with a confused "oh you live here" expression, a feigned ankle injury and a seemingly fortunately placed bottle of tequila. I don't care what it takes: HIS MOUTH WILL BE ON MOUTH.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Either your boy toy or the kid who pulled a knife on me in high school is here
Hot dogs and hydrocodine is NOT the combo of champions
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Note to Self: Never again eat a weed brownie by yourself two hours before a tornado warning in your exact location.
Aww you are cute. With your penis. And failures.
When I found out he was circumcised I called his mother and thanked her
Randomize
