I fucked **** last night, don't tell mike
this is mike. we're done.
I accidentally had phone sex last night
we banged on the home plate. i wasnt even aware of the significance of where we were until afterwards hahaha
I hope he's okay, but I also hope he shows up with an eyepatch
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
Something smells like weed and I think it might be my mascara. Come sniff my eyes
I hate when people see you passed out in your front yard and call 911. Like what, you can't take a nap face down on your steps at 4pm?
I'm in a pile of cheezits at an unfamiliar location watching dateline on tlc. Stage an intervention.
He gave me four orgasms and I kept yelling "Thank you!" and he kept replying, "My pleasure!"
Midwestern nice.
Oh fuck, I messaged a Jack Kerouac poem to a girl I'm trying to sleep with last night at 4am.
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
Blah blah blah. Just come home and put a baby in me.
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Randomize
