is it wrong to smoke out middle schoolers?
yes...dear jesus what did you do?
bwahaha. ask your little brother in about 20 minutes. im dropping him off.
there really is only one way to give a PowerPoint presentation in your senior capstone class: still drunk.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
you were wandering around the street for like an hour singing "nothing but socks on"..an original you wrote after the 12th shot i believe
Why doesn't he get that I would rather give him blow jobs than be in a relationship?
You almost hooked up with 200lb woman in her mid-forties, because you were convinced she was adele. Your drinking problem is officially out of control.
How do you say "get out of my apartment" in Spanish. No time to explain, just tell me.
There's a stoned dwarf chilling in the basement here. Maybe there are redeemable qualities about this place.
Siri makes being stoned even easier. I don't even Have to type my texts myself
Though I typed a half of that one
Don't be offended, the only thing I'm attracted to right now is snack cakes and chicken wings.
Then he said,"I love you like a sister I like to have sex with."
I just want to go home and eat bagel bites in my underwear
Hydrocodon makes you feel like a fairy made out of pudding
Took my plan b at Costco today, sample Sunday for the win.
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
Randomize
