They're giving me a hotel, and this chick doesn't have a place to stay for the night... I swear this is how real life Porno starts.
I dont know why people are racist. Both the mexicans and the irish gave us holidays where everyone drinks on a wednesday.
I know i should have focused more on what you were saying in the text rather than the fact you spelt "suicidal" wrong
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
its just been over 12 hours, and i`m dying, don`t know how i`m supposed to survive the holidays sexless
I hope our bodies realize that workaholics starts tomorrow and will be well enough to handle the hell we are going to put them through. amen.
You are so predictable. I am willing to bet 20$ that instead of going out you are sitting on your couch, stoned, watching Seinfield re-runs and eating cheezits.
1. they're goldfish. 2 fuck you
Just told my shrink " this was a year for whoring around"
Yes, bail money means jail. It also means lie to dad, do it now.
I changed his name in my phone to "Irrelevant" last night. Not changing it back.
We were too tired to finish having sex so we just stopped to eat the cheesecake and passed out. I didn't mind
I'd like to thank Vicodin for getting me through family thanksgiving once again.
it's like i'm your dad, but instead of reminding you to bring your lunch to school i remind you to take a good long hit from your bong.
Jack said he hasn't jerked off in like two weeks and he's like a smoldering volcano who wants to bury you like Pompeii with his man gravy
Randomize
