and we just had intercourse last night so i'm exhausted, fucked up on adderol, emotionally broken and just pissed
hey babe. i'll pick you up in my mom's car. with my mom. she has nothing to do tonight.
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
He snuck into my grandmothers house, broke her lamp, fucked me, then had breakfast with us the next morning. I am an awful granddaughter.
That just sounds like a recipe for sex in my backyard. Yes.
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
She face-timed me on the toilet. My dick is never going to recover from that.
That birthday blow job you ordered came in the mail today. I suggest you hurry home.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
After last night I think its official. Deep down, we like alcohol more than we like women.
It was like we had a conversation with our eyes.
Was it a good conversation?
It was an awkward, sexual conversation.
Like, defending PBR and Bio Dome consumes a lot of my time.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Well I've consulted some psychics but they keep saying all they hear in my head is screaming and all they see in my future is pool noodles and cheese dip?
yep, just sat in the backseat of my car for about five minutes looking for the vodka soaked underwear,when i came to the realization that i really gotta start getting my shit together..
Randomize
