im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
you went to subway and got pissed when they refused to deep fry your sub
i just googled "alcohol delivery service". im combating drunk driving one lazy act a time.
I can't tell if I miss summer or 5 times a day sex more.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
Is it penis luge time yet?
i understand you have values and thats awesome, all i want to help you do is forget about them breifly
He walked door to door asking if anyone needed to get laid. Surprisingly, that ended his drought
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Besides the fact that the only male who has shown an interest in me in the last 5 months has a strange and unfortunate resemblance to fucking Frodo, I've been good thanks
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I just had to kick out lesbian wedding crashers. They literally wanted to punch me. I threatened to call the cops so they went outside and smoked a joint.
We were having sex in the gardens when the grounds keeper walked up on us. He gave me a thumbs up and walked away
Last night you dunked donut holes in spinach dip, ate it, threw up, and continued eating. I cant keep up with your drunk eating skills.
I was wondering where the donuts went.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
