i took a field sobriety test yesterday. a crowd gathered, watched me pass it and applauded. then the cops arrested me because i took a bow and fell over.
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
We really need to stop competing to see who can get more drunk, and I REALLY need to stop winning.
i don't think my dad can get all that mad since he got arrested for almost exactly the same thing last weekend
Tell nick i'm sorry for throwing a block of cheese at him last night
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
A big thanks to that bride-to-be, Her fiance and his loaded friends will forever hold a place in my heart for the generous tequila body shots on the couch at Henry's.
Definitely broke my toe and messed up my knee walking back. Drink hitch hiking should never happen again.
Mcnellies. I'm drunk enough that you have a window. Capitalize.
if it looks like there's being an exorcism being performed you know your doing something right.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
His name was Dragon. For real. How do you not sleep with a Dragon? Don't judge me.
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