I seriously love my fucking boobs. They are so boobs.
I'm shivering and sweating at the same time. Thanks a lot St. Patrick.
I just found out my birth date is Pick Your Poison Day. Goodbye, conscience, forever. I was born to live like this.
My drunk body wants to fuck you so bad, but my high mind is telling me it's too much work. I think I'm just gonna stay home and eat some Mac and cheese. Sorry.
There are going to be so many Snookis this Halloween that I might just dress as the guy that hit her and punch them all in the face
I have no idea what's going on.... I just want to wear my horse sweatshirt and drink vodka.
You said that "grilled cheese was much to complex" and started to throw the buttered bread at the wall while eating all the cheese.
I think it may of been me pulling down my pants is why she walked away.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
You know you threw a brownie at my head last night. And said you did it to defend the turtles honer....
All I ever do is give guys anxiety problems and flaccid penises.
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
excused from jury duty. THAT hungover...
Randomize
