all a guy has to do is give me sprinkles and cookies and they can get me in bed
im just glad that if you were going to have awkward hospital sex, you would want it with me
talk of her extensive whoreness has crossed oceans. thats impressive.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
I literally just wielded a katana to save a child's life. What did you do today?
I'm a little upset you wasted 3 beers on your wet tee shirt contest.
It was fun until the stripper told me it was her first day and started crying.
i've written a new chapter in the saga of unexpected dongs
We bought only tequila and Twister. And you're STILL surprised you got pregnant?
Just saw the mall santa roll by on a rascal scooter holding a chic-fil-a milkshake and stop to chat up trio of cute 20-somethings. New hero.
I didn't even know this guy existed until he'd had his hands down my pants, so I just went with it.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
Heard flapping noises behind me. It was my roommate flapping her bathrobe like wings, saying "I'm a faaaiiiiry."
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
I puked on someone's floor last night and then they proceeded to ask me on a date.
Randomize
