i may or may not have been spotted by tourists while getting head in the vicinity of the jefferson memorial
If you win this game of words with friends, ill suck you off for 30 minutes. No lie.
I cant last that long. Do i get the rollover minutes?
Dude you have to stop using "I eat good pussy" as a pick up line
According to the transitive property, he has now had dick in his mouth.
You left your underwear on the fireplace
Hey, I can't find my bed frame. Do you know who took it?
The last time I saw you, you were rolling around on the ground at the bar.....
.....well it was bound to be an interesting night since I was chasing my pulls with pulls....
I pulled an all nighter. So hoped up on coffee and aderall. Pretty sure you could take my pulse through a snow jacket...
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
I cant believe im wasting my plan b experience on this guy. I should have saved it for someone special.
"You can go raw dog up in me". Exact words. I can't decide whether to run, or fuck. Help.
It wasn't your birthday, you weren't supposed to be the drunk one
When people keep buying you drinks at the bar because they like you, you can't say no to them
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
Happy Halloween!! Last Halloween we spent together you got brought home in a shopping cart
I asked for a cup of water. They gave me tequila. They WANT ME TO DIE
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