I wish my cat could text because i would tell him that everything will be ok. and i wish he could send them back..but him have no thumbs. him no know what he would text with.
She rode me to the beat of Baby Got Back. I swear to god.
it was just fiscally responsible to stop going to strip clubs where the strippers recognized me
im eating kix cereal and taking shots by myself. please come hang out with me. im desperate
Of course my walk of shame coincided with the alumni marathon on campus. But, I did get a thumbs up from the woman handing out water.
My head weighs 7 pounds. i know this because i spent the majority of the night passed out in the bathroom, using the scale as a pillow.
I drank all the drinks. And jump off roof. Yay
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
Just gave my liver a good luck and I'm sorry speech
This morning was so rough I can't even. I was cutting up vegetables for my omelet on the floor. THE FLOOR. I sat on the floor because I felt like I was gonna vom.
I think he's like Cher he's going to live forever but not as scary looking
you gave me money for the cab and then walked home..
I'm starting to notice a direct correlation between blackouts and broken bones...
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
A guy I don't even know just ate me out on a washing machine at a random persons afterparty. I came as it was going through spin cycle.Just kept thinking "who does laundry during a party?"
Randomize
