why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i take my contacts out every time we fuck so i cant see all the stretch marks
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I may be a little fuzzy on this, but I think at some point I said something about being a generous lover.
Just beat off to internet porn while talking to my mom on the phone and eating a cinnamon roll. U have 5 minutes to get on my level
I'm on my "fiiiiirrrst" glass of wine- the quotes mean it's the last of the bottle- so I really need you to pick up your phone so we can talk about this
We were playing hot potato with real potatoes at 3am
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
Get here, there are important joints to be smoked and pies to be eaten
I offered him midol and told him "it always helps my period so maybe it'll help yours"
SORRY FOR THE CAPS. I DIDNT CHANGE IT IN TIME AND ITS TOO FAR TO GO BACK NOW. PS IM SUPER BAKED
She looked so much better when u didn't look at her and the music was too loud to hear her
If he sends me a dick pic so help me god.
Never remove your contact lenses after eating an entire bag of spicy doritos.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
Randomize
