Sometimes I wonder why.. Then I realize I can't fool myself with that question bc we all know it's bc of his enormous dick
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
On the bright side I still get a $20 referral bonus at the plasma center even though he passed out during donation because he was so high.
Not much, just your average college male Sunday cleaning period blood out of the carpet.
Tell me you're kidding.
Besides scarred, I'm not much of anything right now.
Siri just reminded me to pickup Plan B
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
We'll just play it by vagina and see where it leads us
correction: my vagina hates that I'm smart.
I'm still getting random messages from guys about my Halloween outfit. Electrical tape is coming back next year
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I curse you to think about Guy Fieri whenever you have sex with your lady.
He climbed over 2 rows of the cab and told some random girl we were riding with that he would be in the back seat if she wanted to have sex
I hear my roommate snoring and I feel bad for his girlfriend but then I hear them having sex and I guess it all works out in the end.
How was your day?
Peaceful. I left the house to get paid and get fried chicken.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
