actually, I'm a sock model
this girl im hooking up with thought my ring was a purity ring... apparently im taking it too slow
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
The tent neighbors already set us on fire w an errant roach. How do you think Bonnaroo's going?!
Highlight of my weekend: having my card suspended due to "suspicious charges" and standing in line at the gas station yelling at customer service on the phone that I really did go to 4 different strip clubs in one night
put me on a leash or i'm going to fuck someone
I have reached the point in my life where I realized this is what I'm going to do for the rest of my life. Eat, shit , bar, drink, drank, drunk.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
Nope if you can't be there for me emotionally, then my vagina can't be there for you physically. That's my rule.
i've created a new STD.
In case you were wondering, yes I did just watch the Katy Perry movie alone on a Saturday night. I'm so alone it makes a noise.
Some guy I'd never met and didn't invite threw the punch bowl at the wall and set the plastic skeleton on fire. I don't think we'll be getting the full deposit back
Would the comment "Down Goes Frasier" be too inappropriate at this time?
Randomize
