I feel uncomfortable when she gargles my jizz.
i just threw up in a potted plant at home depot
Note to self: when drunk try to remember that ctrl, alt and dance doesnt exist on a keyboard.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
Can't show you right now as we are in public and he refuses to let me photograph his penis in a bar.
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
I can't be the first person ever who had to explain why her bottle of orange juice had a picture of a screwdriver drawn on it
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
These welts and bruises from letting gay boys whip my thighs last night are a clear indication i should lay off the tequila.
at least I have the sex noises of his roommate to entertain me while I wait for him to wake up
I successfully convinced a drunk NDSU student that their school does not have a football team and another that they weren't in Fargo. I'm a dangerous sober shark in a sea of drunks.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
Is he the circus guy or the bi-curious street preacher?
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
I got sriracha sauce on my mask while I was eating fast food, now wearing it makes me hungry
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