youve choked your chicken with your arm asleep and acted like it was some1 else right?
my mom just told me how she used to love having sex while stoned. wtf.
I woke up with semen in my invisalign. My molars were just marinating in it
No one goes out in public like that, unless they do anal
For future reference, the blowjob coupons I gave you for your birthday are NOT transferable to pay your friends for tacos.
no one was sober enough to set up jenga so we just threw the pieces at the last person to drink
Just for future reference, me asking if you're free, followed by a winking face is not my way of suggesting a tandem bike ride.
Just got flashed by an entire bus of girls in school uniforms. We then had to wait beside each other at a light. It was awkward.
I never thought people would keep their guns next to their fake plastic penises, but there they were.
I'm pretty sure his cum gave me swimmer's ear.
I just got CPR certified, don't make me need these skills so soon
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
answer honestly do you think i can make a bloody mary with ketchup????
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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