She's like Mona Lisa when she's intoxicated. No one understands her but they all think she's marvelous
I've decided I'm just gonna keep drinking til the baby bump shows...
when she first told me she hooked up with him my initial response was to shout "WE HAVE SOMETHING IN COMMON!"
The basket that the Naughty Easter bunny left for you at my house might keep us entertained for a little while...
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
Strike three, the fat brides maid they call shit puker also has herpes.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
He asked her to marry him and she said yes. There is NO WAY she knows about his penchant for wearing lingerie.
I think drinking White Russians at half past four in the afternoon is perfectly acceptable. I'd bought a LOT of milk and cream that needs to be used up. Resourceful, check, fuckable, check. You have a great girlfriend here pal.
They are stoned and trying to learn sign language together. It's like watching a chimp waving at itself in a mirror.
The notification you get from snapchat that someone took a screenie is like a formal declaration of blackmail.
Dicks are so weird. He has kind of a feminine comforter in the background.
No it's a real cult, with original ideas and shit like that
Let's make this a nightly thing. You'll explain the Watergate scandal like you're telling me a bedtime story while I eat popcorn high as fuck
Randomize
