so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
I'm on his itunes. He has a sex playlist. It's actually not so much a playlist as 12 Kylie Minogue songs with a big gay Whitney finish.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
Printing the vagina inspector badge was money well spent.
Uh oh. Middle aged belly dancers. And they just got out swords. Shit is about to get real.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
How did I roll 7 times this month and survive?\nI must be some sort of ecstasy goddess
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
Life lesson 8263 if drinking a beer in the shower be careful when shampooing... Tresemme flavored rolling rock sucks
Is there ever a non-asshole time to play the "I was a child prodigy" card?
i showed up really high and was trying to not be,so in order to not seem high, i got plastered
I should have known when she mixed malibu and V8. It smelled just like tanning oil and when she drank it she said "Oh well, not the first time."
Randomize
