I just found a frying pan...in my bed.
One little Beyonce reference and he turns on me faster than liberals on Jon Mackey
The last thing I remember is you asking me how to grow french fries.
God dammit, you have a cape and I don't even have a fucking jacket.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
So apparently after he gets hammered, falls down a set of stairs and gets a concussion, he can still come home and find a way to play his guitar solo bullshit as loud as possible while i seduce my date...
eating kraft dinner with my face. no forks.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
I guess wearing a straight up bikini to class is an early indication that Thirsty Thursday has started.
it's gotten to the point where there are no existing good choices. even our good choices are bad choice by anyone's standards but ours.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
He's so hot and there's so much R Kelly and vodka I think I might die.
When they send me to rehab, I'm screaming your name down the halls.
That's how all the girlfriends are. Oh he's a boy, no worries, then BAM. I blow their boyfriend.
The last thing I remember is talking to the firefighter next to me and he was giving me fruit.
Randomize
