I have a voicemail from Mike at 1am. He starts to say something, but then throws up instead.
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
I need a leather bustier to keep them in.
Too kinky for 11:30am. Stop that.
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
I went outside for a smoke at 4 and things seemed normal. It's 6 now and the front lawn is COVERED in tortilla chips. WTF?
Chinese roommate asked me this a.m when u left if all girls here have multiple boyfriends..
I'm still hoping for it dude. Random north dakota pussy. If my 16 year old self knew that these were my dreams he would so try to beat me up, and i think he could.
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
I guess she fell asleep at the strip club and the other one was crying because she had a vagina in her face. Happy 21st!
One of the annoying girls in my 7 AM class showed up drunk for her 21st birthday and just auctioned off her fake ID.
What's the worst that could happen? I'm already broke and my leg's already broken
Dilemma. I'm out of wine and I can't put on clothes to go to the liquor store bc I just got spray tanned. If this isnt white girl problems I don't know what is.
This guy needs to stop asking about my feet
Public service announcement: Just bc it is Margarita Monday does NOT mean your stomach will readily accept that much alcohol. There IS a reason it isn't called Magical Monday. On that note, better luck on Tequila Tuesday.
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