You turned to me, asked if I was having fun yet, and then threw up onto my jeans. Thanks for the awesome first time partying experience
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
If our dicks could shake hands in congratulations they would
remember that response paper i wrote naked, at 745am still drunk with a naked dude in my bed? yeah, totally got an a- on that. and he loved my insight.
Do you think she hates me because I thought her roommate's name actually was Butterface?
The one wearing a viking helmet and holding a bottle of Smirnoff. She's laying on the floor of the tube singing "cant find my way home" . You can't miss her..
Dude Eric's high and buying everyone taquitos. How much room do we have in the freezer?
I didn't even have time to sit down and the nurse was like: ''You've been having unprotected sex.'' HOW DOES SHE KNOW?!?
Side note: the physics of a guy my size and age getting laid in the backseat of a Toyota Camry are absolutely staggering
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
I know he's married but I don't know how else to show sympathy! Nudes are my only emotional currency.
oh you can't commit, don't have any real ambitions, and love to drink PBR? well.... sign me up!
Why did I wake up with a half-eaten burrito and a vaccuum cleaner in my bed? ...on top of me.
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