Thanks for the three minutes of sex tonight.
His pick-up line from last night: "I bet you cant climb these stairs right now." Needless to say.. it worked.
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
I just encountered the most annoying guy on the planet. I wanted to slap his milkshake out of his fat-boy hands while he was talking to me at the same time as slurping his liquid fat.
I love milkshakes.
Not the point.
I woke up wearing a cow costume. I'm not even gonna try to recall what happened last night.
Maybe it's the vicodin, but all I wanna do is hunt wild hogs.
there's nothing weirder than waking up to your mom eating breakfast on the couch that you fucked her coworker on last night.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
After hearing her fall down in the shower for the third time, I decided to go check on her.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
I gave up great shower sex to be here so don't say I never did anything for our friendship.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Do you recall asking me to zip line through your wedding dressed as a bleeding angel?
Randomize
