I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
u sent me just one boob. one just doesnt do it for me. u dont get full on a half a rack of ribs u need a full one
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
She is still a psychotic unstable bitch, and is therefore PERFECT drinking game fodder
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
We hit a deer while we were singing an acapella version of "I will always love you"
I have vodka and a slip n slide so of you could come over that would be great
I was afraid someone would drug test my pants so you set them on fire.
What the hell happened to my hand?
Well, you got in a fight with a cabbie while jaywalking, but we got you to walk away. The problem was 80 blocks away, when you punched a parked taxi for "running you over".
This morning I woke up in the entrance of a retirement home. Memory fragments from last night: making it rain with the contents of my wallet over the bridge, getting hit by a car, and a lot of running.
"This is Emily. She likes potatoes. And sometimes laughs and cries at the same time, and has a wonderful butt"
i put frozen meatballs in my drink thinking they were ice cubes and I'm vegetarian wtf
all I remember is grinding on everyone in the room regardless of gender and quoting the lion king non-stop. We need to stop buying Jameson.
he was really really nice, and I did coke off of his dong that night too
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