every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
Getting up at 8 this morning to drink could be the best and the worst idea we've ever had
He just said "I made some changes in my life. The male g-spot is in the rectum and I wanted to explore that."
do you remember wearing her cheetah rainboots and making bacon shirtless?
In other news I saw a pack of make believe zombies walking down green st.
gotta love wednesdays
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
Sorry about waking up naked in your bed this morning.
You, me, naked, mistletoe, fifth of jack, gallon of lube, condoms, Cheetos, handcuffs, rope, along with no morals, inhibition or judgment. That's all I want for Christmas.
He was really cute! And I know but it's just like getting my fix ya know? He's basically a human vibrator.
He said I was so drunk and high that I had a conversation w/ his goldfish. The video shows me clearly conversing as if talking to a person w/ pauses in conversation and everything
you would have been so proud of how classy i just looked at the pharmacy with my $10 off plan b coupon. so resourceful.
Whoever was the bastard/bitch/genius who duct taped my keys to my dick so I wouldn't lose them. I hate you.
Randomize
