So I pulled my t-shirt down, pushed my boobs up and marched right into that church!
There's a vagina buried somewhere in there.
you came in and threw goldfish on our blue carpet and screamed SWIM BITCHES and then made me drink a best friends potion with you
Whoever decided putting Tom Seizmore and Heidi Fleiss together in rehab should win some kind of award.
My dealer's mom died on christmas eve. Is it too soon to see if he's holding?
So, do you ever feel like EVERY SINGLE ONE OF YOUR FRIENDS IS INVOLVED IN A MASSIVE AND INTRICATE CONSPIRACY TO COCKBLOCK YOU AT ALL COSTS?
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
Apparently I told the bartender to stop putting ice in my drink because it was taking up too much room
Just saw a man in a motorized chair roll by drinking a beer. It's 9:45 AM. I love Louisiana.
Red Alert: She has 3 cats, a parrot, and 2 rats. Initiate Protocol Zero and rendezvous at Checkpoint Bravo for debriefing
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
remind me again why we thought drinking hungarian moonshine was a good idea
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
You were sober bartending last night right?
Sorta. I remember you crying, ripping rose petals off the flower stem and slowly sprinkling them behind the bar at me and singing softly
Romantic
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