Just had to reach into my sister's bag and shut off her vibrator so my parents wouldn't hear it. I am the world's greatest brother.
His band may suck, but it's not like I'm sleeping with all of them.
Threw a lawn chair at the neighboors dog. I think I killed him. Come here and assess this
it was a 10 min screaming orgasm. i don't care that you were next door and didn't appreciate all the noise.
And now thanks to shrooms we all got a terrifying glimpse of what goes on in his head. I will not say I didn't see it coming when it turns out he made a suit out of people's skin
I am here to underwhelm you with my vagina
Jus saw ur date getting a bj in the mcdonalds parking lot...u want anything?
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
The cop asked you after the breathalyzer what you think you blew and you very discreetly shouted "I'm pretty sure i blew Kyle on the way here "
He has a bed frame and a headboard.... That match his dresser and nightstand...
Hahah. That's good.
I feel like you don't understand the severity with which this weirds me out...
Put an egg in my coffee filter this morning. I think I am still drunk.
Well his dad is my dentist so they've both been in my mouth.
WOKE UP NEXT TO A PLATE OF MEATBALLS HAPPY MONDAY
at one point while they were drilling into my jaw I just remember thinking "will I ever be able to suck dick again"
Like people might wonder why I put up with your puns. You give good head and play with my hair
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