What should i be more turned off about... his massive collection of condoms or that he asked me to sign my name by number 68 on the list posted on his wall?
I think the two go hand in hand.
it was so cute when you were pretending to have willpower
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
Just so we're clear, that's a yes to the honey, but if you get marshmallow fluff anywhere near my body we are never doing this again
i don't know. but im upstairs in the closet with a burger i found in their fridge
I want the one making out with the dumpster. Is that bad?
Get your ass over here, we're drinking Patron and watching My Little Pony. Patron and Ponies, do you copy?!
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
Sometimes a girl needs 4 shots of whiskey in her diet coke at 5 in the afternoon and i feel no shame in admitting that girl is me
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I ACCIDENTALLY SUPER LIKED HIM. I JUST DELETED TINDER FROM MY PHONE.
just saw two mice fucking on our bed...i think its time to find a new place to live
I either have food poisoning or I'm pregnant. Either way, I NEED JESUS!
no no no no you can't just say your dirtiest secret is "i sat on goldfish by accident once" and just leave i have QUESTIONS
AT LEAST TELL ME IF THE GOLDFISH WAS STILL IN A BOWL??????????????
The gift for sixth anniversary is steel. He bought me handcuffs. Inee I married the right man!
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