i jus pukd everywherw but i took a showr, come cuddle
Lady next to me is getting american flags airburshed on her nails. god bless the ghetto.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Taking shots out of pine wood derby trophiesssssss. best idea ever.
I NEED TO NOT REMEMBER THIS IN THE MORNING. He is our TEACHER.
Im debating on how to word my craigslist post so i dont get arrested...
Now he's galloping around the bar. I don't know whether to laugh or cry.
Smuggling a beer bottle full of vodka out of the bar with a tampon as a plug for the top of the bottle wasn't one of my classiest ideas... but your hangover proves it was resourceful and effective. Your welcome.
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
When we sit on the couch watching TV, she always cups her hand around my balls. Not sure if it's a sign of affection or a "power play" to remind me just how vulnerable I am if she chooses to make an aggressive squeeze.
Why are there condoms taped to the handle of Tito’s?
I get horny when I drink, pregnant when I fuck and I never lose the booze unlike my purse
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Came up to an intersection and someone was blasting My Chemical Romance at like 9 AM. They're DEFINITELY having a good day
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