she told me that she was curious about how cum tasted. of course i left you.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Dude your neighbors are having a garage sale. They were judging me as I walk of shamed back to my car.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
I promised myself in the hospital that I would give up drinking for however long the cast stayed on. Thank god it was only soft tissue and not a fracture.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
I just woke up on an unfamiliar floor, my shoes are gone, my suits covered in red lipstick and chocolate, and Im wearing sunglasses that say "Maid of Honor".God damnit I love this country.
answer my text you professional douchebag
and i mean that in the cutest, flirtiest way possible
I miss the days where our biggest worries were who was gonna win battle shits.
He's far too busy staring into my soul to touch my tits.
The smoothie place is closed, but the liquor store is open and wine is kinda like a smoothie.
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
Randomize
