The sex was so good, I called my ex during the 2nd time just so he could hear. Is that mean?
This girl I work with, who is 18 btw, invited me to her baby shower. Do they sell abortions in gift certificate form?
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
the pub in dfw airport has a countdown timer to st. pattys day, to the second, i like texas
I called for backup and had two guys carry him to the shower. The bigger guy offered to wash his hair.
pretty sure I called you last night to sing Hebrew to you.
Its completely acceptable to go naked under my graduation gown right?
Some ppl might frown upon it but theyre prudes
you were stumbling down richmond carrying a girl in a nurse costume. its not even halloween dude
Can we talk about how i am holding a tupperware container of my own puke in the back of my grandparents car while my sister drives
He's super sweet. I feel like I'm dating Elmo. If Elmo had a 7 incher
That is cause you are some weird type of mutant that lives off of Alcohol.
i liked you for your lack of ambition and abundance of weed
I'm disease and pregnancy free. This is an Easter for the books!
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