Rock
Scissors
Fuck
She left me with blue balls so I jerked off on her french toast in the morning.
I've eaten ice cream, mentos, an extreme gulp and swedish fish today. i feel like diabetes. the actual disease not a person with it.
Just tried to put my sweatpants on backwards...the chances of passing my physics exam just went down about 100%.
2 bagels in my tummy and my herpes on my mind
And with me just getting pulled over and you maxing your card out on tennis balls I don't know if we can afford it
He kept stopping sex to whisper in my ear, and the only thing I could understand was "double stuffed oreos"
I had to talk to the cops at my front door in a bathrobe, with the buttplug still in.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
Did u know it's unconstitutional to turn down a shot during 4th of July celebrations.. Rest now dear liver
Pedi-lyte stocked
Is being in jail an excusable absence?
I made out with a guy so that I could get ahead in the bathroom line, totally acceptable
Did he at least walk u home
He offered. I dont like that shit. I want his dick not his presence on my walk home
Yeahh. im on the phone with him drunk. he told me he found a pigeon in a cardboard box and named it quincy...
Intoxication Level: I'm as graceful and flawless as a fucking dinosaur.
Randomize
