distance makes the heart seek blowjobs from girls that are closer i heard.
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
I'm not saying he has herpes, I'm just saying he slept with my friend that has herpes.
It wasn't until that morning that I realized I wasn't actually dreaming, finding myself in the bathtub with someone laying on me
I just threw up trying to put pants on. This is obviously a sign to stay naked.
I think as far as last words to bitter ex girlfriends go, "enjoy that staph infection youre about to get in your uterus" is right up there with the best
hooked up with the gay kid & his friend's mom told me "you know he has a identical twin brother whose straight, right?"
Do you have any idea how horrifying it is to hear your sister and her husband fucking then immediately go down stairs only to hear your parents fucking....... I wish I was Hellen Keller right now.
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Hahah what did you even say to him?!
That I was gonna inflate his vagina with a leaf blower?
Oh.
I saw a kid peeing outback so I yelled "you have a small pecker, but its ok cuz when life gives you lemons..." and proceeded to throw lemons at him
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
just because the DWI class is located at the University does not make him a professor. I was duped, he is in no way, shape or form a professor!
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Apparently I called him, said "vodka" and then hung up on him.
Randomize
