my boss just made his own remix to aaron carter's i want candy. i cant decide if its the funniest or most embarrassing thing ive seen
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I was to tired to jerk him off, so he made me hold it while he thrusted into my hand.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
It's been over a year since we've been get-so-drunk-you-throw-beer-cans-at-fat-girls-drunk together. That needs to change.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
Hatred of squirrels is the least of my hereditary problems.
My mom just offered to be my designated driver tonight. I love being an adult.
she texted me 'with freud,' which i thought was drunk for 'i'm with my friend.' but nope, she was actually on a statue of the psychologist sigmund freud.
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
Good!!! I'm so proud of you for not snorting alcohol. Big girl steps.
Dude, the worst part is I can't even pretend it didn't happen because she posted a video of it on Facebook.
If sleeping with your boss doesnt scream job security i dont know what does.
Randomize
