All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
my roomates packed me a lunch. it had bread, cheesewiz, a can of refried beans and a condom with a note that said "good luck on your first day". im not even gonna pretend to be mad.
Calling yourself a modern day Geisha doesn't justify being a whore.
He's trying to impress me with how much money he makes. How does he know me so well?
Burnt myself on soup.. consencus go back to hospl. they will lov me. twins in one nigh. still hve band on. fuck
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Dude, half of south Mississippi has seen my taint. I'm not worried.
His roommate walked in then asked "well did you at least finish". What a way to start your birthday
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
The coast is clear - also, would it bother you if I chose not to wear pants?
long story short, he tried to fuck me standing up, toppled over, and now I have four stitches next to my eye
I have cats now. Five of them.
Have you considered starting a global domination firm?
Randomize
