there is a puppy in the bar... no really i didnt steal this one
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
he likes ron paul.... that's all i'm going to say....
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
i told the doctor i drank a college amount of alcohol. judgemental prick
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
omg just made cake vodka jello shots, sooooo excited
dear god these taste like death. death and sprinkles
I've actually, minus lsat night have actually changed my drinking habits
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
Being single is awesome because I can still drink a bottle of wine and hate myself, but I don't have to shave my legs!
I got titty fucked last night and you're breastfeeding your newborn. Clearly we have gone two totally different paths since 2011.
If I stopped mid-sex because the guy was hung like a light switch, it doesn't count, does it? Like the five second rule.
You were in the back of the cop car and told the cop to ask me if I got laid. Youre a dedicated wingman.
I’ve got a closet full of cosplay outfits and horny boytoy to help me ride out this pandemic
Randomize
