I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
I'm going to listen to christmas music to trick my body into cooling off.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
i totally just wrapped her wedding gift in tin foil. These are the skills 2 bachelor's degrees have given me.
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
I met a bunch of Germans and said in german "this is for the fatherland" and poured a beer on my head
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Is it bad that I'm a 32 year old woman that is so afraid of commitment that a hamster is too much responsibility?
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I've been here 11 months and i just realized i have literally never looked at my apartment/roomates sober
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
She caught me by google maps... Lets just say it wasnt her car in front of the house.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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