Dude you just kept yelling "She was my first asain!" right in front of her.
Think I'm gonna go cougar hunting tonight... Any advice?
condoms and good judgment
Can I buy both of those at the same store?
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
he asked me to marry him on one of those scrolling message belt buckels.... what now?
he drank a monster margarita at dinner. had to ask me if it was dollars or minutes that ended in 60.
And i generally try not to roofie people when I'm in a committed relationship.
We had sex in the ocean but the tide took our clothes away too. Its no fun walking back to the dorm wearing only a beach blanket between you.
I was in my bathroom taking a shit and my mom just opened the door, walked in, handed me a fudgesicle, and left without saying a word. Yeah. That just happened.
I can't believe I've come to a point in my life where sex for a birthday present is acceptable
I get a nose bleed and my uncle is automatically giving me the "your doing lines off dashboards again aren't you" look
I HAVE TOO MICH DICK TALKING TO ME IDK WHAT TO DO.
Rum and your dick are involved. You're relying on the unreliable narrator.
She was cute in her own little way. Shit, free taco's makes anyone hot.
Emergency thong? Check! Suspension bondage is a go!
Randomize
