did you get engaged???
ugh, i have officially sinned in all of my cute clothes. i can't even wear any of them without feeling regret.
Did you know nanny-cams work just as well for recording that blow job on the sofa?
I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
2 rounds of irish car bombs have already been taken to your 5 year sober anniversary
You fucked her?! HER?!
She sent me a nudie pic with a bunch of weed nuggets all over her tits...what was I supposed to do? I don't hate America sir.
I always hoped that one day I'd have a sex position named in my honor.
The maintenance guy says happy birthday. Also, he likes your penis balloon.
Wrestling for my wallet turned into us almost having sex in the middle of the hallway
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Next time, dont ever let me talk to a guy drunk, especially if I have class with him the next day
Who do you have class with??
The guy that pulled down his pants in the middle of the dance floor to show me his tattoo
Not entirely sure how I got drunk off 2 mimosas but here I am
Like why am I even still facebook friends with a guy I let finger me at a concert?
The fact that you cheered yourself on while you puked saying it was your first college puke, blacked out, and sang taylor swift to the toilet confirms the fact that we are related. I've never been more proud.
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