She wouldn't stop telling me the story of the penis and how she got laid.
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
Fuck going to see The Hunger Games tonight. The only thing I'm hungry for is some dick. Let's go to the bar.
I really want to fuck that guy in the full wind breaker suit
My roomate has me out looking for easter kegs hidden arround town
I'm watching porn in spanish. Thats studying right?
you can tell a lot about a person by the quality of their porn
Little does she know that you've out-sourced your conscience to a girl who doesn't even wear pants on a regular basis
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
